Everyone In The World Was Involved in This Fight

The Chris Brown/Drake nightclub fight drama continues. Here’s what’s happening:

– Brown talked to the cops. He is claiming it was 100% Drake and/or Drake’s people who started the fight, and that he (Brown) was leaving the club just as it started. So far Drake’s people are refusing to talk to the cops, because, and I quote, “We’re no running-to-the-police ass n**gas.” These are classy individuals we are talking about.

– Some eyewitness are claiming that it was a man in Chris’s entourage who started it all. He was allegedly throwing gang signs and Chris stood up to hug him when the man was taunting Drake’s people. If true, Brown could be in trouble even if he didn’t start the fight: a condition of his parole is that he not associate with known gang members. Oh no, then the abuser would go to jail and get abused himself! That would be sooooooo sad.

– There was a lot of collateral damage. So far three known non-famous women (wait, do they even matter then?) have been treated for injuries and at least one plans to sue. A bodyguard was seriously injured when he took a bottle to the head. And even basketball player/Eva Longoria‘s ex-husband Tony Parker was caught in the crossfire.

– This could end bottle service in New York. The people in charge of that sort of thing have called an emergency meeting with nightclub owners scheduled for this week to talk about if it is a good idea to have potentially deadly projectiles sitting at the table with stupid people who also happen to be very drunk.

Rihanna is apparently upset that this may have all been over her but reports are saying she rushed to Brown’s side the day after the incident because bitches never learn.

– The club where this all went down has been closed indefinitely and the police are gathering evidence for a criminal complaint. The club’s surveillance tapes failed to capture anything useful.

That was more information than I ever cared to know about anything involving Chris Brown. The TL;DR version is that two ugly guys with more money then sense tried to look hard by injuring innocent women. When you think about it, it’s shocking Brown would be involved in something like that. Since he’s a changed man and everything.