Why Didn’t Anybody Tell Me?

I had to live tweet the MTV Movie Awards so I missed the Miss USA pageant, but if I had known that Miss Rhode Island Olivia Culpo existed, I would have called in a bomb threat to wherever they have the MTV Movie Awards. Because, well, goddamn. Brunette, skinny, hot, and likes to be in a bikini. Sold. Plus she’s only 20, so she has like what? At least four good years left? Five tops. By the time I get bored, she’ll be aged out. It’s perfect when you step back and think about it.