Justin Bieber Assaulted A Man. With Jazz Hands I Guess?

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Let’s not kid ourselves here, Justin Bieber is a wigger from Canada who looks like a transsexual figure skater or something German businessmen discreetly pay for, yet he hangs out with boxers and black people and thinks he now has some sort of street cred. Keep that in mind as you read this amazing story of how publicists earn their money. TMZ reports:

Justin Bieber is a suspect in a criminal battery … law enforcement sources tell TMZ. Justin was in Calabasas, where he lives, just after noon Sunday at a mall called The Commons. A paparazzo attempted to take Justin’s picture and, according to law enforcement, some sort of physical altercation erupted between Justin and the camera guy. The photog called 911, and when cops arrived Justin and GF Selena Gomez had already split. The photog complained of pain to his upper torso, an ambulance was summoned and he was taken to a local hospital where he was examined and released a short time later. The photog filed a police report naming Justin as the culprit. Cops are investigating the incident as a misdemeanor battery. Law enforcement tells us detectives want to speak with Justin, Selena and any other witnesses. We placed a call to Justin’s rep … so far, no comment. We’re told several witnesses at the scene say after the altercation, a lawyer walked up to the photog and said he could get a lot of money out of the incident and advised the dude to call for an ambulance and file a police report. Witnesses also say the photog had been blocking Justin’s car as the singer was trying to leave. Justin got out of the car and asked the guy to move away but he wouldn’t, and a scuffle ensued.

If you’re a grown man and are complaining of pain in your upper torso after Justin Bieber punched you, you probably aren’t the best at making up believable stories. I could look at Justin Beiber wrong and he’d start crying. At best, he hid behind Selena and tried to swat the camera with a scarf. Possibly with his eyes closed and screaming.