Casey Anthony Has Found Jesus

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Because churches need members, but most importantly their members’ money, “progressive churches” do anything and everything they possibly can to get people in the door. Don’t like boring hymns? Check out Joseph and his brother Judah shred on guitar to this kick ass laser light show! Have to wear a suit or have a strict dress code at work because your employers demand that you look presentable and respectful in the workplace? Well, put on your flip flops and Jeff Gordon t-shirt, because this is only God’s house! Don’t like having to open your Bible, listen to Becky sing 25 songs in a row before Pastor Dave gives a slideshow on a giant video monitor! Just like Jesus did! All he’s saying is in the Bible we swear! But the most amazing thing they do is to tell you that if you somehow magically insert Jesus into your heart, you will be instantly forgiven of any and every fucked up thing you have ever done in your life and any future fucked up thing you do won’t count and you will instantly go to heaven when you die because that one time you had your head dunked under water by a guy who collects a paycheck to do that sort of thing which doesn’t make you instantly question his motives at all. So, with being that said, Casey Anthony is getting baptized. Radar Online reports:

According to an insider, Anthony, 26, wanted to do something to signify a new beginning in her life. “Casey has planned to get baptized sometime this month,” an insider exclusively told “She figured getting baptized would be the best way start this new chapter in her life. It’s a new beginning.”…“Casey believes that Caylee is with God now and wants to ensure her own salvation so that she’ll see her daughter again someday,” the source said.

Wait, didn’t Casey Anthony kill someone and get away with it? Then why is she doing this backwards?

Note: Yes, the banner pic is not Casey Anthony. It’s Vanessa Hudgens in Florida in short shorts with her shirt pulled up. So, basically it’s still Casey Anthony.