Michelle Bachmann Has Dropped Out

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Republican Presidential hopeful and grinning sociopath in a pantsuit, Michelle Bachmann, has endedsuspended her campaign after finishing 6th in last night’s Iowa Caucus. See ya, bitch. THR reports:

GOP presidential candidate Michele Bachmann will suspend her campaign following a bleak run at the Iowa caucuses, she announced in a press conference Wednesday morning. “I have decided to step aside,” she said, flanked by husband Marcus Bachmann. “I will forever be gratetul to the state (of Iowa), and its people,” noted the conservative Minnesota congresswoman, saying that she would “continue fighting to (defeat) Obama’s agenda of socialism.” Bachmann, who placed sixth in Tuesday night’s results, told supporters afterward that she would remain in the race, extoling her conservative credentials to battle President Obama. But Bachmann lost momentum after winning Iowa’s GOP straw poll last summer. In an interview with CNN’s Soledad O’Brien ahead of the caucuses, she remained positive: “If you’re looking just at the shift of the last five days, that’s one thing. I have over 200 pastors that came out to endorse me. They’re very influential in their communities and their congregations — and I think that we’re going to see a real surprise in the polls tonight with a depth of support that people didn’t recognize was there.”

So, just like with everything, Michelle Bachmann thought Jesus would save the day because like omg guys over 200 pastors came forward to endorse her and stuff. Bro, they totes did. Also, Constitution. Taxes. Obamacare. Babies and shit. Blah blah blah. On the brightside, she has more time to spend with her gay husband in his clinic trying to help people not be gay like him. That’s probably something else God told her to do. Oh, that God! Always the jokester!