Kris Jenner Is…Wow. Just Wow.

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Before we get started, please keep in mind that Kris Jenner is pure, unadulterated narcissism whose life solely exists to be a broodmare for any rich, famous man who will agree to marry her so she can shit out an assembly line of fame whores who will suck every bit of money and cum from any product/place/thing/network/government that lands on her desk (ex. see the banner pic? That’s her at the opening of a fucking milkshake shop in Dubai). To ensure she can live vicariously through her walking withdrawal slips, Kris Jenner has already pimped out her youngest daughters by forcing them to become underage bikini models and she has recently teamed with E! to launch an all out attack on Kris Humphries (only after their strategy of faking a marriage for $20 million backfired) by manipulating the media, leaking false stories, and editing all their billion shows to make him the bad guy. And how did all this fame and fortune land in their lap? Easy. Her first husband defended a guy who cut his wife’s head off and by secretly overseeing the sale and release of a sex tape where her daughter got butt fucked and pissed on like a rented lay in a hostel. So if you’re not sitting down, be sure you do as you read her response to Daniel Craig calling her family “fucking idiots”. The National Enquirer reports:

“(He has) crossed the line,” she told Heat mag. “It’s not made him look like the world’s nicest guy. The right thing for a real man to do now would be to issue a public apology. “The easy thing would be to criticize his career now, but our family won’t stoop to that level.”

I once saw a homeless guy run down Glenwood Avenue with a stolen shopping cart telling every woman that he saw that they had to come with him because a giant octopus who could teleport would be coming to get them pregnant and that they would only be safe in his time machine (shopping cart). Because his time machine would take them to Long John Silver’s because that’s the only place a giant, raping octopus would be afraid. I guess what I’m saying is that he was less delusional than Kris Jenner.