Michael Lohan Was Drunk And High When He Was Arrested

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Hey, guys. It’s Michael Lohan. Lindsay’s dad. You can call me Mike. I go on talk shows a lot saying my daughter has a drug and alcohol problem. You know me, right? Yeah, so I was arrested the other day and the judge told me to “not even dream” of Kate Major, but look here, man. I’m gonna go get drunk and do some blow, then go stalk her. It’s cool. I’ll just jump three stories and hide in a tree when the cops come. Don’t even worry about it.

Just hours after being released from a two day jail stint and being admonished by a judge not to “even dream” about Major, Michael repeatedly contacted her via phone according to the police report obtained by RadarOnline.com. When officers arrived at the motel where Lindsay Lohan’s father was staying, they were initially unable to locate him, but while they were in the parking lot they spotted him. “I saw a subject on the second floor hiding behind a pillar,” the police report states. “I yelled the def’s name and told him to come down and talk. This def tried concealing himself a little more but decided to run up a stairwell as we approached him. “As we went out to the balcony to look around, we saw the def fall from a 3rd floor balcony next to the one we were standing on. The def apparently leaped up from his balcony and grabbed a hold of the roof. He then must have scurried across the roof (about 30 feet) until he thought he was hanging over top of the next balcony. The def then let go but missed this balcony. “He came crashing down on top of wooden high chairs that were laying on the ground. This fall was 34 feet (measured with laser). The def then hid in some trees directly below where he was apprehended. Michael’s fall wasn’t without consequences, according to the police officer. “The def’s mouth was full of blood from where he bit his tongue. He also injured his foot. The Tampa Police report also stated that Michael had “Consumed Alcohol and Drugs.”

I’ve tried to wrap my head around this story since yesterday, but I finally gave up because you really can’t explain or understand what a sociopath does. I haven’t checked, but is there a more fucked up family than the Lohan’s? There can’t be, right? If I find out tomorrow that Ali Lohan is just Dina in the skin of hitchhiker she and Lindsay killed so they could steal her identity and take out a line of credit, I would have fully expected it.

Note: Yes, that’s Miranda Kerr in a bra in the banner pic instead of Michael Lohan. Are we even having this discussion right now?