Ashton Kutcher’s Side Piece Wants $250K

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In case your job had you mining helium-3 on the far side of the Earth’s moon recently, you’ve probably heard that Ashton Kutcher and his undead, mummy wife (Demi Moore, fyi) are on the brink of divorce because Demi Moore’s ancient vagina can’t be fixed by plastic surgery. Apparently, Kutcher prefers 23-year old vagina. Specifically, the 23-year vagina of blonde, Sara Leal (this ravishing beauty). Let’s take a guess if she’s an opportunistic, gold digging whore, shall we? Page Six reports:

Ashton Kutcher is being asked to pay a six-figure sum to a blonde who claims she had sex with him on the same day he and wife Demi Moore celebrated their sixth wedding anniversary. Sara Leal, 23, is preparing to tell the story of how she hooked up with “Two and a Half Men” star Kutcher, 33, at the Hard Rock Hotel in San Diego last Friday, following a boozy night with his guy friends, according to a report on Now Leal has met with Beverly Hills lawyer Keith Davidson, who represented former Betty Ford worker Dawn Holland after she complained Lindsay Lohan attacked her. Holland dropped her claim after settling with Lohan’s camp, reportedly for $25,000. A source told us, “Sara is talking to multiple media outlets for a deal. She wants $250,000, but the offers haven’t been as high. What she really wants is to get a payoff from Ashton. She has reached out to Ashton’s team.”

Wait, you mean a chick fucked a famous, married guy and now wants a huge payday because she thinks she’s too pretty and entitled to work? I hope she gets it for all the pain and suffering she’s been through. Trying to get calculations right in Excel and looking up lawyers in the phone book takes a lot out of a person.