BREAKING NEWS: Chaz Bono Sucks On DWTS

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A morbidly obese woman with a beard and daily testosterone injections whose knees look like they only bend when they find a sandwich somebody dropped enters a dance contest. What could go wrong? Radar Online reports:

It was a night of insult and injury for Chaz Bono. The 42-year-old daughter-turned-son of Cher and the late Sonny Bono slumped in his second outing on Monday’s edition of Dancing with the Stars, limping to the night’s lowest score with 17 out of 30 points. The author/activist was in trouble from the get-go this week, as his knees and joints ached to the point he debated about taking the week off, saying he was “afraid [he would] literally pass out or blow [his] knees out.” He trudged on nonetheless, and while his heart and hustle showed, the injury left him in no condition to live up to the demanding quickstep routine he and partner Lacey Schwimmer performed. Bruno Tonioli — who compared Monday’s routine to “watching a little Ewok dance with Princess Leia” — told Bono he did well under the circumstances of being injured, but simply didn’t bring the gusto he needed to succeed in this season’s tough competition. “I could see you in pain,” judge Carrie Ann Inaba told Bono. “Your charm can only take you so far, but it doesn’t cover that fact that you didn’t dance quickly and this is a quickstep.” Judge Len Goodman was even more blunt in his assessment of Bono’s outing. “The bottom line is it’s a quickstep,” he said, “and I move faster through the car wash — it was too slow.” Bono, who complained about pain in his knee, ankle and right leg following the number, said he took the floor in pain because he wants to be there and doesn’t want to go home. Bono tweeted after Monday’s show, “Just a friendly reminder to please vote. @LaceySchwimmer and I really need everyone’s help getting through this week.”

Why is Chaz blaming his knees? What if his knees were born as elbows and are forced to live as knees because that’s what society expects? Elbows aren’t supposed to dance. Maybe he should stop boxing them into some archaic archetype and just learn to accept them with love so they can live their own life. Let them express themselves without prejudice or ignorance. Try finding common ground so he can come from a place of empathy and affection. Let them use a fork to shovel food. That might help.

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