Charlie Sheen Will Be Dead On The Premiere Of Two and a Half Men

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Say no to drugs, kids. Deadline Hollywood reports:

I have been able to confirm that Charlie Sheen’s character Charlie Harper is indeed dead and the season premiere will feature his funeral. Charlie’s girlfriends will come back for the occasion, and his house indeed will be put on the market. The episode will feature potential buyers coming to see the house (as I reported earlier, the list is expected to include real-life celebrities and stars from Men co-creator Chuck Lorre’s other series), with Ashton Kutcher among them. However, I hear he will not be the rightful owner of Charlie Harper’s digs by the end of the premiere episode, with the storyline expected to be extended into Episode 2.

A year ago, Charlie Sheen was the highest paid actor on the highest-rated show on cable television. Then he did a bunch of blow and moved in a bunch of whores then tried to kill one. Oh, then he got fired because he thought he was untouchable. But I guess he is untouchable now in the sense that he’s a ghost. And if Ghost Hunters has taught me anything it’s that you can’t touch ghosts. You also need night vision goggles apparently. Ghosts also don’t have teeth, so Charlie Sheen is pretty good there.