Charlie Sheen Did Steroids For Major League

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You’re not gonna believe this, but as it turns out, Charlie Sheen has done several drugs not called “Charlie Sheen”. E! reports:

Sheen reveals in the latest issue of Sports Illustrated, “Let’s just say that I was enhancing my performance a little bit. It was the only time I ever did steroids.” The fired Two and a Half Men star says he took ‘roids for nearly two months to improve his athletic abilities and that he kicked it after losing control of his (already unstable) temper. “I did them for like six or eight weeks,” he continues. “You can print this, I don’t give a f–k. My fastball went from 79 [mph] to like 85.”

Can we even call this a story at this point? An unhinged lunatic who throws a tantrum when he doesn’t get his way and has to pay chicks who pose in motorcycle magazines to like him injected anabolic steroids into his body just to pretend to be a baseball player? Get outta here. What? Next you’re gonna tell me my penis is too small? C’mon, man. My cousin says that four inches is really big because she and a lot of women have really shallow vaginas.