This Is Single

Are you turned on yet? It’s okay, we’ll wait. From Us Weekly:

After nearly eight months together, Jersey Shore’s Snooki and beau Jionni LaValle have parted ways, a source confirms to Us Weekly.

“They broke up,” the insider says. LaValle, 23, recently visited Snooki, 22 (real name: Nicole Polizzi) in Italy, where she and her Jersey Shore cast are currently shooting season 4 of their MTV smash. But the dolce vita holiday didn’t work out. “[He] came home early,” the insider says.

The duo first stepped out together at NYC’s Butter in September of last year– and got serious in October, with LaValle “bonding” ‘with the reality star’s dad. “She wasn’t sure about him at first and kept asking her friends what they thought of him,” another pal told Us at the time. “She was hesitant because he isn’t the typical gorilla.”

Adds the first source: “She was planning on buying a house … down the street from his parents.”

Someone should let Snooki know that her next boyfriend probably isn’t at the bottom of that sundae. If this bitch wants a gorilla so badly, can’t she just use that money from my alma mater to buy a condo in the Congo? If I didn’t think the universe would implode from all that fug I’d just suggest a cameo on Khloe and Lamar.