Ashton Kutcher Close To Replacing Sheen On Two and Half Men

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You could have given me a list of a hundred names. Highlighted Ashton Kutcher‘s. Then pointed at it. Then put a neon flashing arrow beside it. Then did that thing where you gently elbow me and raise your eyebrows really fast over and over. And I still wouldn’t have guessed the guy to replace Charlie Sheen would be Kelso. Because I’m smart like that. I mean, duh. Winning. The Hollywood Reporter says:

Two sources close to the deal-making tell The Hollywood Reporter that the actor is putting the final touches on a deal to replace Charlie Sheen as the star of TV’s No. 1 comedy. CBS, studio Warner Bros. and Kutcher’s reps at CAA declined to comment on the situation but a deal is said to be all but signed. The exact dollar figure he will be paid is not known but a source says Kutcher is getting a “huge payday” to join the hit sitcom.

Hugh Grant was the first choice, but he backed out. Since Kutcher might do the same, “two other prospects” have been lined up. TMZ reports:

We’re told a deal has not been signed, but Lorre believes Kutcher is the guy who can keep “Men” alive and well. But Lorre has two other prospects, sources say, if the Kutcher deal falls through. Our sources would not identify the other two actors.

Are we sure Two and Half Men is on CBS and not ABC Family? Because the Sheen Two and Half Men was about an alcoholic who loved prostitutes. Is this one gonna be about a goofy dude with an old wife and three unattractive stepdaughters and a retarded twin brother? I mean, I realize both are comedies but still.