“White People. LOL.”

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As you might have already heard, President Barack Obama released his long form birth certificate yesterday, because with two wars, a doomed economy, and natural disasters ripping the world to shreds, where the President was born is an issue we should be concerned about. In their defense, I can understand why a lot of Republicans don’t think Obama is American. He’s intelligent and exercises regularly. White House blog says:

In 2008, in response to media inquiries, the President’s campaign requested his birth certificate from the state of Hawaii. The state sent the campaign the President’s birth certificate, the same legal documentation provided to all Hawaiians as proof of birth in state, and the campaign immediately posted it on the internet. That birth certificate can be seen here (PDF). When any citizen born in Hawaii requests their birth certificate, they receive exactly what the President received. In fact, the document posted on the campaign website is what Hawaiians use to get a driver’s license from the state and the document recognized by the Federal Government and the courts for all legal purposes. That’s because it is the birth certificate. This is not and should not be an open question. The President believed the distraction over his birth certificate wasn’t good for the country. It may have been good politics and good TV, but it was bad for the American people and distracting from the many challenges we face as a country. Therefore, the President directed his counsel to review the legal authority for seeking access to the long form certificate and to request on that basis that the Hawaii State Department of Health make an exception to release a copy of his long form birth certificate.

So this should settle it once and for all, but, of course, it won’t. Because Conservatives and Tea Partiers are convinced, while their 401Ks are being funneled into a CEO’s offshore account and their homes are being auctioned off, that Obama is Satan quoting Karl Marx who has the audacity to steal their pretend millions they might make one day to help a poor person have decent health insurance. You know, because nothing says pure unadulterated evil like universal healthcare. But can’t they just say, “But…but…he’s a NIGGER! CAN’T ANYONE SEE THAT?! WE HAVE AN AFRICAN NIGGER IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!”. I mean, for real. That’s pretty much what all this is about. If I was Obama, I would have ripped Trump’s toupee off his head and wiped my fucking ass with it. He’s the President, not some kid with a fake ID trying to get a 40oz at the corner store. So, relax white people. If it takes your mind off it, I performed an abortion on a Baptist teenager while burning the flag and my W-2s today.