Charlie Sheen Just Got Violently Torpedoed By Truth

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We really don’t need to get into how Charlie Sheen is hopping from city to city in a bubble of delusional and insanity while trying to sell as many tickets and t-shirts as he can until his heart explodes. Somehow between getting booed off stage every place he goes and sitting in the corner of his hotel room because he thinks the lamp can read his mind, Sheen realized he made a horrific mistake and has been openly begging for his job back on Two & Half Men. During a radio interview this week, Sheen claimed discussions were taking place and there was an 85% chance that he would be returning to the show. The Warner Bros. heard that statement. Then they dragged that statement out in the street, cut its head off, shit on it, then found the statement’s sister, fucked her while her husband watched, then sold her baby into slavery but not before they shot a puppy in the head in front of it. TMZ reports;

In the letter, the Warner Bros. lawyer says, “Those statements are false. As you know, there have been no discussions, there are no discussions and there will be no discussions, regarding his returning to or having any involvement with the series.”

So, there it is. Since tiger blood and Adonis DNA don’t exist in the land of reality, Charlie Sheen is basically just a lying drug-addict trying to manipulate every possible situation he can. The only way Charlie Sheen will ever see his name in the credit of a show called Two & Half Men is if its on TLC and its about amputees.