Ashley Judd Was Molested As A Kid

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Now that her career is non-existent (they didn’t even mention her during Kentucky’s Final Four game), Ashley Judd released a tell-all memoir yesterday, All That Is Bitter & Sweet, where she recounts her childhood years in the orphanage run by Miss Hannigan before being saved by Daddy Warbucks. I don’t know. That’s how I’m reading all this. Radar Online reports:

“My mother, while she was transforming herself into the country legend Naomi Judd, created an origin myth for the Judds that did not match my reality,”…”I was taught to believe that our lifestyle was normal and never to question it or complain, even when I was left alone for hours, sometimes days at a time, or when I was passed without warning to yet another relative,” Ashley wrote. “I loved my mother, but at the same time I dreaded the mayhem and uncertainty that followed her everywhere…I often felt like an outsider observing my mom’s life as she followed her own dreams.”

I spent most of the 90’s trying to figure out a way to molest Ashley Judd, but all it apparently took was a quarter and a promise of a slice of pizza. What a slut!

Sadly, Ashley recounts an experience with sexual abuse which later lead her into a deep depression. “An old man everyone knew beckoned me into a dark, empty corner of the business and offered me a quarter for the pinball machine at the pizza place if I’d sit on his lap,” Ashley said. “He opened his arms, I climbed up, and I was shocked when he suddenly cinched his arms around me, squeezing me and smothering my mouth with his, jabbing his tongue deep into my mouth.”

I really don’t know why she’s bothering bringing all this up now. It’s not even that interesting. At least throw in a fingerbang or an awkward, forced blowjob. Since you obviously wrote this book to pay for a kitchen remodel and a new infinity pool, you could punch it up a little. Like the old man was warlock and you had to fight a dragon to escape or something like that.