Michael Lohan Beat Up His Girlfriend, Got Arrested

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When he’s not forcibly inserting himself into other people’s drama or being a sanctimonious asshole by preaching like he’s some sort of Yoda Jesus in acid washed jeans, Michael Lohan (seen here wearing his futility belt), is an unstable lunatic and felon who likes to beat women. Rawr! TMZ reports:

Law enforcement sources tell us … Lohan’s girlfriend filed a report with the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department between 9:30 and 10:00 PM tonight … claiming they got into an argument that turned physical … and she had some visible marking from the alleged incident. Cops went out and tracked down Lohan — and arrested him on suspicion of domestic violence. We’re told Lohan was taken to a nearby hospital to be checked for a medical condition unrelated to the alleged attack … but afterward, he’ll be taken to a Sheriff’s station to be booked. UPDATE: Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … Lohan will be charged with domestic violence, false imprisonment, preventing the reporting of victimization. Lohan was admitted into Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after complaining of chest pains.

Is there one single member of this family who is worth being kept alive? One? Dina is an enabling cunt who should have her vagina sewn shut, Lindsay is an unrepentant drug addict and menace who truly believes the world revolves around her, Ali looks like a teenage Bulgarian boy who can’t afford the rest of his estrogen shots, and this asshole needs to be duct taped to the steering wheel of his Camaro and pushed into a river. I think there’s a another kid, but I don’t know his name. But I’m positive he has to stab homeless people in the chest to achieve orgasm.

Update: Read the police report HERE

Michael Lohan is completely sane update:

We’re told Michael became upset that Kate was packing up for good, and “went ballistic.” They started arguing, and Kate turned her back on him. She told cops, Michael then grabbed her and threw her across the room. Kate says she struck the bedpost with her left shoulder. Kate claims she threatened to call the cops, and then Michael allegedly took a towel and began choking her. She also claims Michael then threatened to cut himself with a razor blade and tell cops she did it — if she called police. Kate went to the Sheriff’s sub-station, where cops photographed what we’re told are “visible injuries.”