Happy St. Patrick’s Day Everybody

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I look for any excuse to cut out of work early and drink, so I’m out to have a Guiness or 18 to help Irish people celebrate the life of the British guy they captured and kept as a slave before he eventually escaped and joined the Catholic church. But like a Vietnam vet who hears a door slam really hard, I’m gonna be around a bunch of white people trying to get me drunk. So have fun, be safe, and don’t call me if you need bail money. And I know you will. Won’t you? Yep. My God, you’re such a disappointment.