The Situation Was Much Worse Than We Previously Thought

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Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino‘s now legendary fail at the Donald Trump roast was so brutal to watch that it even made me feel kinda bad for him. (To put that in context, one time in junior high I threw a kid’s crutches over the fence.) Now it’s been revealed that half of The Situation’s “jokes” were cut from the broadcast because they might have been the worst jokes ever told. TMZ reports:

“Yo Snoop, what up dawg … you know you have so much in common with Donald Trump? Trump’s ancestors were into real estate … and your ancestors were considered property.”

“I’m not from New Jersey … I was born in Staten Island which is a New York borough … not to be confused with the burro Marlee Matlin bl*ws onstage in Tijuana …Relax, she didn’t even hear it … I mean hey, at least her mouth is good for something right? Hey, that was definitely some great work Marlee … have you ever done anything else actually?”

“Larry King is rockin’ the Armani diaper … Seth MacFarlane is sporting Victoria’s Secret … panties. And Snoop is wearing a Louis Vuitton condom … nah, I’m just kidding, he don’t wear condoms, you know that!”

“I like Larry King … he’s a playa … he actually wrote a book named ‘Mr. King Is Having a Heart Attack’ … he got that title from a hooker he was f**king.”

“Trump is a good looking dude … if your eyes are like Marlee Matlin’s ears.”

I’m pretty sure he didn’t write this stuff himself, but if you agree to do something like this, you better make damn sure you say things that at least resemble a joke. He just seemed overwhelmed and out of his element. Like most women are when they see my Star Wars Lego collection. Hey, ladies. Wanna blast through the droid ambush with Mace Windu’s Jedi Starfighter? With quad flick missile launchers and the reliable R8-B7 astromech droid to navigate and repair, Mace Windu will be more than a match for the tactical droid, TX-20, on his Separatist Speeder. No? Can I call you? How about dinner som…hey, where are you going?!