Mel Gibson Didn’t Get Jail Time For Battery

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Apparently if you’re a celebrity in California you have to walk down the street with a baby’s head on a pike to ever see the inside of jail. And even then, the baby would either have to be gay, in a union, or own and operate a street farm for anyone to really care. All Mel Gibson did was punch his wife in the face while she was holding their baby because her mouth wasn’t a Time Warner channel that gives blowjobs on demand. No big deal. TMZ reports:

Mel Gibson has struck an agreement with prosecutors and has made a plea deal in his looming criminal case … sources connected with the L.A. County District Attorney tell TMZ … and Mel will not get jail time. Our sources say Mel will appear in court Friday and will plead no contest to simple battery — a lesser charge than corporal injury on a spouse. As we first reported, Mel had been agonizing over the impending criminal charge — related to the January 6, 2010 blowout with Oksana Grigorieva — worried that a prolonged court fight would be a strain on his family, particularly his children. We’re told … even though Mel believed he could win the case — he struck the deal to protect his loved ones. We’re told the deal involves counseling but NO JAIL TIME. When contacted for a response, Mel’s lawyer, Blair Berk, released the following statement to TMZ: “I know from almost 20 years as a criminal defense lawyer that sometimes justice can come for a client at too high a personal price. That is particularly so for Mel, whose right to due process can only be exercised in this case with an enormous media circus attached.” Berk goes on, “Mel’s priority throughout all of this has been that the best interests of his young daughter Lucia and the rest of his children be put first in any decisions made. It is with only that in mind that he asked me to approach the District Attorney with a proposal that would bring all of this to an immediate end.”

Oksana Grigorieva is reportedly happy and satisfied with the decision. Mostly because it probably involves something on the way to her house that Ben Affleck and Jeremy Renner are trying to steal. When asked for comment, Oksana Grigorieva slid down a pile of gold.