Charlie Sheen Is Officially Fired, Completely Insane

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Apparently tiger blood (cocaine and STDs) and being a bitchin’ rock star from Mars riding a mercury surfboard (delusions and hallucinations caused by said cocaine and STDs) doesn’t really sit well with HR. Radar Online reports:

Charlie Sheen has been fired, CBS and Warner Bros. Television tells “After careful consideration, Warner Bros. Television has terminated Charlie Sheen’s services on Two and a Half Men effective immediately. No decision has been made on the future of the show”. The troubled star was already on thin ice after bosses pulled the plug on the rest of the season of the hit show.

How did Sheen handle the news? Oh, just like any other rational human being would. You know, except for way more machete. FOX News reports:

Charlie Sheen climbed to the top of a building in Beverly Hills on Monday, pulled out a huge machete, and paraphrased Martin Luther King, Jr. Waving the machete and drinking a bottle of what he said was tiger blood, Sheen yelled “Free at last … free at last.”

Tiger blood is exponentially better than Magic Johnson blood, but at what point does Charlie Sheen look in the mirror and say, “Goddamn. I am fucking insane.” It has to happen eventually right? I mean, everyone realizes that this is all just a calculated effort by a demented sociopath to cash in as much as he can before he’s found in a ditch, right? He’s an unhinged lunatic. He could throw live puppies in a river and it would be the best PR he’s had in a month.

You’re no messiah. You’re a movie of the week. You’re a fucking t-shirt, at best.”