Somebody Call Child Protective Services

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I have no idea why Sarah Jessica Parker wasn’t tethered to the baby stroller, but here she is with her totally not homosexual at all husband Matthew Broderick. Apparently placing your hands on a bar of a stroller and pushing it requires you to pass a rigorous test, because Sarah Jessica Parker looks like an unfrozen caveman who just found a skateboard. She has no idea what she’s doing. They have twins, so I guess the other baby is in the stroller being hurled to her death because her mom’s bridle slipped off. That’s probably for the best, because when your dad looks like a effeminate library science teacher and your mom looks like a Civil War ghost, it might be best to get hit by oncoming traffic.

Note: Sorry for being so sickly. I breastfed until I was four and my father beat me a lot, so I really don’t know what the problem is. Anyway, my stomach still looks like 2Pac’s after a trip to Vegas, but other than that, I’m fine. Thanks for all the comments whining about how I suck for having my gall bladder removed. Those meant a lot and really helped in my recovery. I can see how me getting internal organs removed can really inconvenience you when you’re trying to fuck off at work. My bad.