Lawsuit Shore

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The entire cast of Jersey Shore is being sued for assault by a woman who claims she was assaulted by their security guards, has learned. The claimant, who filed her suit using her initials J.P., says that four security guards employed by the show threw her to the ground following a heated argument with Snooki. J.P.’s attorney Eugene Lavernge of New Jersey says her chin was cut and she now has a scar from the incident. The incident occurred last September, the same night Ronnie knocked a man unconscious. That man, Stephen Ortiz, is suing MTV and the show’s producers.

These lawsuits were all to be expected. A bunch of overpaid tanorexic drunks fistpumping their way up and down the Eastern seaboard just spells trouble. The fighting is old news, but how there has yet to be a widespread syphilis epidemic amongst grenades and juiceheads is beyond me. I just Googled “Jersey Shore house”, and the CDC website popped up. It had pictures of the hot tub, the bedrooms, and JWoww. I’m really hoping that they don’t decide on “Season 4: Jersey Shore Defiles L.A.” because we’re a fragile bunch whose immune systems aren’t capable of handling uncontrollable infection. Just ask Brittany Murphy.

The cast out and about in Jersey filming season 3. And yes that kid is wearing an “I ♥ The Situation” t-shirt. Child abuse?