Tila Tequila Got Beatdown

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TMZ reports:

According to Tila, she took the stage at the Gathering of the Juggalos in Illinois — a concert featuring such acts as Insane Clown Posse and Kottonmouth Kings.

Tila gave TMZ a very detailed account of what happened, saying: “I went onstage and immediately, before I even got on stage, DUDES were throwing HUGE STONE ROCKS in my face, beer bottles that slit my eye open, almost burnt my hair on fire cuz they threw fire crackers on stage, and they even took the sh*t out of the port-0-potty and threw sh*t and piss at me when I was onstage.” She went on to say: “These people were trying to kill me. So then after the last blow to my head with the firecracker they threw at me exploded, my bodygaurd and the other security grabbed me and ran as fast as they could to the shitty trailor. Since their security SUCKS, the 2 thousand people ran after us, trying to kill me. They almost got me so they finally reach the trailor, blood all over myself, cant stop bleeding, then all of a sudden, all 2 thousand people surround the trailor and busts the windows!!! Even the guys INSIDE with me were shaking! Their hands were shaking cuz they were so scared! So 3 guys inside the trailor had to grab a table and push it over the broken windows and grabbed all the chairs they could find so hold the people from outside back. It was scary as hell!”

A lot of people have denounced me as sexist, against my own sex mind you, so there really isn’t a whole lot I can say about this alleged incident without somebody accusing me of being pro violence on women. I won’t question why she was on stage at an ICP concert, and I certainly won’t make any remarks about how, even without being covered in human waste, she’s qualified by FEMA as hazardous material. I also won’t mention her brilliant diction, spelling, and grammar. Nope, even though it’s my job to be snarky, and even though I’m not even half serious, I won’t do it. I would just feel terrible if I offended anybody, most of all a no-talent reality show whore and a small group of the humorless.