I Wonder If It Comes With Crayons?

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Before he starts ice skating professionally or blowing his dealer for meth in the next five years, Justin Bieber is a teen pop sensation who is writing a book about his life. A life that started in 1994. I can’t wait!

The pop star’s memoir, Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story, will hit bookstore shelves in October but PEOPLE.com has a first look at the book’s cover, which features a message from the 16-year-old: “Lots of exclusive photos just for you. Love Justin xxx.” But the book has much more than just pictures. Fans can expect to read about Bieber’s jet-setting lifestyle (performing in front of thousands on his world tour), his road to stardom (from viral video to meeting Usher in Atlanta) and personal anecdotes about his family and best friends.

There better be some coupons or a Golden Ticket in the back, because I’m not really sure why I would want to read a story about an effeminate Canadian kid with lesbian hair. Maybe I’m wrong, but 200 pages of him talking about his favorite night light or the time he fought Captain Hook might not be the page turner he thinks it is.

Thanks to Mat for emailing me what we’re all thinking. btw, Mat gave a handjob to Pauly Shore’s stunt double one time:

IMMEDIATE APOLOGY: Yeah, this was a Justin Beiber post. Sorry about that. So to make up for it, let’s keep the UK whore party going with the physically perfect Alice Godwin (NSFW). I masturbated to her once and I shot through to the Earth’s upper mantle.