Sean Penn Is Suspicious

When he’s not blowing Hugo Chavez or talking a red plastic cup to help with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, Sean Penn spends most of his time self-aggrandizing and rambling sanctimonious nonsense from his mansion about the poor and the needy. And because since he thinks he owns Haiti, Sean Penn is very concerned about Wyclef Jean’s bid to be the country’s next president.

“The last thing in the world that Haiti needs—and I’m not accusing Wyclef Jean of being an opportunist, I don’t know the man,” he said. How’s that for an opening gambit? Penn also questioned Jean’s motives for running for office, speculating that corporate interests that are “enamored” of the singer have pushed him into campaigning with promises of support—in the form of underpaid yet much-needed jobs in the country—which shields their own opportunism. “Right now, I worry that this is a campaign that is more about a vision of flying around the world talking to people, it’s certainly not about the youth drafting him,” Penn said. “I would be quite sure that this was an influence of corporations here in the United States and private individuals that may well have capitalized on his will to see himself flying around the world doing that.” As a result, Penn wants the media to keep an extra close eye on his campaign donors. “This is somebody who’s going to receive an enormous amount of his support, if he continues this campaign, from the United States. I have to say, I’m very suspicious of it, simply because he, as an ambassador-at-large, has been virtually silent. For those of us in Haiti, he has been a non-presence.”

Not to sound like an asshole, but winning a Best Handwriting sticker should be a good enough qualification to be elected President of Haiti. 80% of the country live houses with car hoods as doors and half of their government budget comes from foreign aid. And after January 12, the whole country looked like the place Fred Flinstone worked, so who cares who becomes the President? I could go over there with a Brita water filter and a lighter and become a warlock.