Charlie Sheen Has Learned His Lesson

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On Christmas Day, Charlie Sheen pulled a knife on his wife, Brooke Mueller, and was arrested on charges of domestic violence, including second-degree assault and menacing and faced three years of jail time if found guilty. Yesterday, in an Aspen, CO court, Sheen pled guilty. His punishment? Well, hold on to your damn hat! Page Six reports:

As part of his plea deal, Sheen, 44, must spend 30 days in drug and alcohol rehab at the Promises facility in California. He’s also been given three months’ probation — during which time he can’t consume any drugs or drink booze — and do 36 hours of anger-management counseling. If he doesn’t, he’ll get tossed in the slammer for 30 days, the judge warned. Sheen later said in a statement that he was “very grateful” to avoid jail. It means he can continue taping his hit TV show, for which he reportedly earns $1.8 million per episode. “I look forward to complying with the court’s decision, getting on with my life and putting this behind me,” he said.

Charlie Sheen also tried this shit with Denise Richards, so of course sitting in a circle and using the Pillow Method is sure to cure him of violence towards women. You know what else might help? Being boiled alive. I hear the success rate on that is pretty high.