Jeremy London Got Kidnapped

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Jeremy London, star of Party Of Five, and um, other stuff, told police that he was kidnapped on June 10. He then went on to tell the greatest kidnapping story ever told.

Armed bandits abducted and robbed Party of Five star Jeremy London and forced him to smoke drugs during a harrowing five hour ordeal in Palm Springs, California, police have revealed to London, 37, was attempting to change a flat tire on his vehicle when two men stopped to help him, outside the Bahama Hotel & Apartments on North Palm Canyon Drive, late on the evening of Thursday, June 10. Sergeant Steve Douglas, from Palm Springs Police Department, told the kidnappers forcibly took London — who played Griffin Holbrook on the hit FOX series Party of Five and Chandler Hampton on 7th Heaven — and drove him around in his own vehicle, while terrorizing him at gun point. The suspects had a small hand gun, police said. Somehow a stunned London managed to escape at around 3 o’clock the next morning, the officer added. “He told officers (during the kidnapping) that he was forced to smoke dope and then purchase booze and hand it out in a gang area of Palm Springs,” Sergeant Douglas told, in an exclusive interview. Sergeant Douglas said London was forced to smoke “dope” — crack cocaine or amphetamines.

Armed bandits? Were these dudes Somalian and pull up beside him on a raft? If these guys rolled up on me the only question I would have is “where da white women at?” because these doesn’t sound like a kidnapping, it sounds like a party. I should totally use this. The next time I kidnap a girl, I’m pretty sure she’d like some crack instead of ether and waking up to me forcibly asking her to moisturize.