Elin Nordegren Is Diabolical

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It’s been six months since Tiger Woods fled from his Florida home with a 9-iron aimed for his skull after his wife of five years found out that he was sleeping with as many as fourteen women. A lot of my chick friends have asked me why she hasn’t left him yet, and why it’s taking so long for her to file for divorce. That all changes today. So sit back, relax, and hold on to your goddamn hat. Examiner reports:

A $750 million divorce settlement: Tiger woods has always taken his multi-million dollar fortune for granted.. With the loss of major sponsors, and the possibility of his remaining sponsors pulling the plug any day, Tiger stands to lose a significant amount of his accumulated wealth. With no new sponsors on the horizon, and a golf game that’s clearly off, those millions of dollars may not be so easily re-earned. As wealthy as Tiger Woods is, the loss of that much money would have a major impact on his lifestyle and quality of life. (Todd here. Tiger’s estimated net worth is only $600 million)

Full custody of the children: Tiger Woods is a family man who loves his children, and it’s important to him that they be a part of his life. Joint custody was mutually agreed upon, but now Elin has changed her mind. She wants full custody of the couple’s two children, and according to reports, she plans to use Tiger’s infidelity with multiple mistresses to get her way. Since Elin plans to return to Sweden to live on the private island she recently bought (with Tiger’s money), Tiger may never get to see his kids.

NO confidentiality clause: Knowing how fanatical Tiger Woods is about his privacy, Elin has adamantly refused to sign Tiger’s lifetime confidentiality clause. She wants to retain her rights to write a book, or do TV interviews at a future date about her marriage to Tiger or their divorce. Though Elin has maintained her silence up to now, maybe she wants to finally have her say. The possibility of the rest of his life becoming an open book, probably has Tiger quaking in his boots – or his golf shoes.

I have no sympathy for Tiger Woods, but damn. To recap: Elin wants 125% of his wealth, full custody of their kids so she can move to another country and live on a private island that she bought with Tiger’s money, and the opportunity to reap untold fortunes by writing a tell-all book about Tiger. Holy shit. Did he set her on fire and drown her puppy and we just don’t know about it yet?

Note: “Look, I’m not saying Elin is gonna be found at the bottom of a lake somewhere, but this is the kinda shit why Lifetime movies get made.” – my buddy Chris