Every Rose Has Its Exploratory Brain Surgery

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Blah blah blah Bret Michaels suffered a massive hemorrhage near his brain stem on Thursday, and as of right now, he’s still in ICU. Apparently the STD’s are really working their magic. TMZ reports:

Bret Michaels remains in critical condition at an undisclosed location, this according to a statement released today on the rocker’s Facebook page. Michael was rushed to the hospital late Thursday night after suffering a massive hemorrhage near his brain stem. A statement on his FB says, “We are hopeful that further tests will locate the source of the bleeding, which has still not been located. As we all know Bret is a fighter and we are hopeful that once all is complete the slurred speech, blurred vision and dizziness, etc. will be eliminated and all functions will return to normal.”

Whatever. I’m not saying Bret Michaels dying would be a good thing, but if he did, that’s one less shitty song he can write and one less dayshift stripper he can tease with the promise of love. Wait, I guess it would be a good thing. I mean, seriously, look at the banner picture. He looks like Jack Sparrow if Jack Sparrow pirated the seas to pay for his anal bleaching and brow lifts. If he died today, the day would be forever known as “April 26th”.