You’re Not Gonna Believe This

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Kate Gosselin has tricked millions of bitter women everywhere that she is a poor victim of a cheating husband and is now a devoted single mom, but in reality, she’s an emasculating, narcissistic, power hungry cunt, who’s lucky her husband didn’t snap and put her in a shoebox after he chopped her up. Everyone who knows her personally hates her, but she could change all that by getting out of the spotlight and being the mother she so desperately wants people to think she is when she’s signing their book while her kids are with the nanny. But she doesn’t have time for that now. Dancing With The Stars is more important. Luckily for her, she’s making lots of new friends and bringing rays of sunshine to the set everyday. You know, or whatever means the exact opposite of that. New York Post reports:

Kate Gosselin is being a “total diva” on the set of “Dancing With the Stars” — snubbing other contestants and behaving frostily to crew members, sources tell Page Six. The recently divorced mom of eight has been rehearsing for the ABC show, which starts its new season March 22. Her icy behavior also persuaded Olympic figure skater Johnny Weir to pull out of talks about being on the show because he didn’t want to work alongside Gosselin. A “DWTS” source said, “Kate doesn’t want anything to do with other contestants . . . While there’s a lot of camaraderie among the crew and other stars including Pamela Anderson, Kate has set herself apart . . . She wants to be queen bee.”

I’ve never wanted to hit a woman (unless I paid extra for it), but if I ever find a genie in a lamp, I’d pause for a minute to think if I really wanted Kate Gosselin to be a man for five minutes so I could drive the base of my palm into that nose that she likes to stick up in the air to everyone she comes into contact with. Does that make me a bad person? Probably. But at least God would know I wouldn’t sell my kids to a rice farm to compete on a reality show. I would only do that to be selected to the Pro Bowl.