Best Achievement In Trying To Make This Look Human

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I have no idea who Sarah Jessica Parker’s stylist is, but whoever she is, she might as well take a mummy to Urban Outfitters. Sure she can dress him up to make him look like he likes $10 PBR’s and giving looks of exasperated condescension to anyone who isn’t Communist, but it will be obvious to everyone at the coffee shop across the street from his art history building that he just might be an undead corpse whose body has been awakened by an ancient Egyptian curse. His lust for blood insatiable, his thirst for vengeance unleashed.

Splash News didn’t have 7 pics of this hag, so the last one is a picture of Molly Ringwald. Who looks like she needs Jake Ryan to bring her about 46 more candles: