John Edwards Is Screwed

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If you want to unleash penis for a vagina tasting tour of America, here’s a hint: Don’t be married. Just a thought. The National Enquirer reports:

The ultimate fall from grace, a Federal grand jury is about to indict John Edwards, The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively. In another shocker, close sources say Edwards’ estranged wife Elizabeth could help send the former presidential candidate to jail! Edwards, the disgraced two-time Presidential loser, is being investigated by the feds, including the FBI and IRS, for possible campaign violations related to paying his mistress Rielle Hunter. The grand jury has been meeting since April 2009, and insiders say an indictment is imminent. “John is terrified that he’s going to be indicted,” a friend told The ENQUIRER. “While he believes he’s done nothing illegal in trying to hide his extramarital affair with Rielle and their daughter, he thinks the Feds are going to make an example of him.”

Edwards is a Southern lawyer, so what did you expect? Just be glad this story didn’t include a giant turkey leg from the State Fair or somebody hanging from a tree.