Elin Nordegren = $300M + Kids

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Brushing over the fact that she chased him down the street and beat him like a pinata with a golf club, Elin Nordegren is convinced Tiger Woods’ vagina tour makes him an unfit father. She now wants full custody of their two children and $300 million. National Enquirer reports:

Tiger Woods wife, Elin Nordegren, reputedly wants full custody of their children convinced the potent putter’s escapades have made him unfit as a father…”She wants 100 percent divorce, 100 percent custody of the children, and half of everything. And she won’t be changing her mind,” an Elin insider told UK tab News of the World. Elin has hired celeb pit ball divorce lawyer Sorell Trope to fun for at lwast half of Tiger’s estimated $60 million fortune – although that shrinks each day as more sponsors drop the King of Swing from their rosters.

Sources say that Elin is doing this solely for her children, Sam, 2, and Charlie, 1, and that they are her top priority. “Oh, and money, ” Elin Nordegren was overheard saying, “Don’t forget money.”