Elin Nordegren Is Getting Half

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When your husband and father of your two children needs an exploding collar around his penis to keep him from trying to bang every woman he sees and is rumored to be still in constant contact with Rachel Uchitel, taking half of his billion dollar fortune just seems like the right thing to do. Oh, and beheading. Don’t forget beheading. Radar Online reports:

Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, who has already been spotted in public sans wedding ring, has begun seeking legal representation to represent her in a forthcoming divorce, according to various Web reports Wednesday. The 29-year-old mother-of-two reportedly has meetings slated for next week with top legal professionals to blueprint a split that could cost the golfer as much as half of his billion dollar fortune. One name that had been mentioned, though remains unconfirmed, is lawyer Sorrell Trope, who has handled proceedings for stars including Nicole Kidman, Nicolas Cage and Britney Spears.

I’m not really sure how Tiger thought this was gonna turn out, but I bet he never thought it would end with his wife laying naked on bricks of gold on her yacht while shirtless Latin men lick her toes and explore her anus like Sir Walter Raleigh.

Elin Nordegren in Florida on December 15th: