Elin Nordegren Is In Love

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Tiger Woods has been spreading semen around like Johnny Appleseed and once his wife found out she chased him down the street and beat him with a golf club then dared his bitch ass to call the police. Now she wants their marriage to work out because she loves him. Oh, and because of the millions of dollars that Tiger just transferred to her bank account. Chicago Sun-Times reports:

Apparently Tiger Woods is doing a lot more than merely issuing that mea culpa on his Web site. Don’t look for Woods’ wife, Elin, to be moving out of the couple’s Windermere, Fla., mansion anytime soon.A source close to Woods tells me that the links legend’s spouse is being paid a hefty seven-figure amount — immediately transferred into an account she alone controls — to stick with her husband. On top of that, my source indicated that Woods’ wife has demanded — and is getting — a total rewrite on the couple’s prenuptial agreement making the incentives for her to remain Mrs. Tiger Woods even more enticing. At this point, the couple reportedly needed to remain married for 10 years for Woods’ wife to collect a splitsville settlement of $20 million. I’m being told that time frame has been shortened — and the dollar amount increased ”substantially” — should the couple divorce.

I looked, but I’m surprised I was unable to find a picture of Tiger and Elin dancing in a meadow to an Alan Menken song as magical woodland creatures prepare them a picnic and sing about true love’s first kiss, because obviously their life is some sort of romantic fairy tale.