Tyler Perry Had A Great Childhood

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Tyler Perry is a multi-millionaire who got rich by dressing up like an old, sassy black lady (aren’t they all?! LOL). Like many famous cross dressers before him like Buffalo Bill and Norman Bates, Tyler Perry had a sweet childhood filled with fond memories of his family’s loving embrace. Oh, wait. NYDN reports:

In an email to fans that has Perry’s admirers buzzing, he recounts various examples of terrible childhood mistreatment – from his father beating him senseless to a neighbor woman molesting him at age 10. Even his grandmother, the mother of his hated father, became a threat when she objected to his weekly allergy shot, he recalls. “Ain’t nothing wrong with that damn boy – he just got germs on him. Stop wasting all that money,” she said, he recalled. “She came and got me out of the living room leaving my Matchbox cars on the floor. She said she was going to kill these germs on me once and for all. She gave me a bath in ammonia.”…Perry has made no secret of his unhappy childhood and speaks often of his abusive father, but the raw details in his email were new revelations. “I’m tired of holding this in. I don’t know what to do with it anymore, so, I’ve decided to give some of it away,” he wrote in Saturday’s email, which was also posted on his website. He recounted being beaten by his father for reading books and filching cookies. “He got the vacuum cleaner extension cord and trapped me in a room and beat me until the skin was coming off my back. To this day, I don’t know what would make a person do something like that to a child,” Perry wrote. Without elaborating on what seems to be another molestation incident, he mentioned “a man that I knew from church when I was a kid” who had died broke and whose family asked Perry to pay for the funeral. “I quickly said no, but I wish I would have said yes. There is something so powerful to me in burying the man that molested me,” Perry wrote. “I would have dug the grave myself.”

Yeah, so that was depressing. And to think, all this time I’ve been waiting for Madea Goes To Hell. I feel so bad now. Although not as bad as I felt when I didn’t have enough time to resuscitate that Swedish prostitute on my couch. Seriously, they should really consider making halftime a little longer.

Totally unrelated pictures of Olivia Wilde, because I care about you the reader: