Shawne Merriman Choked A Bitch

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Tila Tequila had her boyfriend, San Diego Chargers All-Pro linebacker Shawne Merriman (here’s his MySpace), arrested this weekend after she claimed battery and false imprisonment. He’s already been released and no charges have been filed. He now says he had a good reason. LA Times reports:

Merriman’s side is that he did not assault the reality TV star and was simply trying to prevent her from leaving his home in an intoxicated state. Here’s his partial statement: “On September 6, 2009 the San Diego Sheriff’s Department responded to a citizen’s complaint that was initiated by Tila Nguyen (aka Tila Tequila). I was taken into custody based upon that complaint. At the time, I was concerned about her welfare given the intoxicated state she appeared to be in and I encouraged her to stay until safe transportation could be provided.”

Is beating a chick’s ass to make her stay home better than letting her drive drunk and kill somebody? Eh, probably. Besides, it’s Tila Tequila. She has ridiculous implants and is supposed to be a model but she looks like she should be telling Pinocchio how to let his conscience be his guide. Basically what I’m trying to say is, she pretty much deserves her ass kicked on general principle. If I liked tranny Asian crickets, I’d be funneling vodka down her throat and dangling the keys of an X-Wing fighter in front of her face. You know, just so I could “encourage her” to stay home.

Note: Yes, I know this happened two days ago over Labor Day weekend so I’m a little behind, but I just checked my calendar. Turns out I have a life to lead.