Kelly Clarkson Is Delusional

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Kelly Clarkson is a fat ass, right? I mean we can all agree about that, right? Ok, good. So, um, can somebody let her know? People reports:

“When people talk about my weight, I’m like, ‘You seem to have a problem with it; I don’t. I’m fine!’,” Clarkson, 27, tells the September issue of Self. She also notes, “My happy weight changes. Sometimes I eat more; sometimes I play more.” These days, the play part means golf (“I love it!”) as well as Crossfit workouts. “It’s like bootcamp!” she says of the regimen that includes sit-ups, squats and running. “You never work out more than 35 minutes, but it’s so intense … It makes me feel like G.I. Jane. It’s very empowering. I feel like I can whup ass!” Indeed, Clarkson’s motivation for exercising isn’t to lose weight. “I do it totally for my psyche,” she explains. “I’m much better when those endorphins are going. It’s a release. And I also love food, so there’s a payoff!” The Texas native admits she still eats chicken-fried steak, but also has days when she prefers salads. “I love healthy stuff and junk an equal amount,” she tells the magazine. “Whatever I’m craving, I go for it.” Her secret to losing weight, in fact, is to not go on a diet: “For me, it’s the times when I’m not paying attention that I end up losing weight. But I’m never trying to lose weight – or gain it. I’m just being!”

They say skinny models on the covers of magazines is what gives young girls body issues and eating disorders, but look at that banner picture for the September 2009 issue of Self. Then look at the pictures below of her performing a concert eight days ago. So either she teleported with a fly before this photoshoot or Self Magazine is blatantly misrepresenting what it looks like when a chick double fists country fried steak and Twinkies and calls 35 minutes of low-impact exercise “bootcamp”. I don’t know, if I was a 15-year old girl, I’d probably be throwing up too. Thanks, Kelly!

UPDATE: Self Magazine says they retouched the picture to make Clarkson look her personal best. Liposuction might also help.