Cristiano Ronaldo Is Worth A Few Bucks, Probably Doing Paris

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Soccer team Real Madrid is paying Manchester United $131 million dollars for Cristiano Ronaldo. From Fox Sports:

Manchester United accepted [Real Madrid’s] staggering £80 million bid today, and now Cristiano Ronaldo will finally get to play for his childhood heroes.

So here he is in some tiny shorts. I think he looks kinda gay. But the word around the web is that he has sex with the womens, which brings us to the second half of the story.

He is probably humping the whorulous Paris Hilton. From TMZ:

They both went to MyHouse last night and left at around 3 AM for a Ron-dezvous at Nicky Hilton’s pad, according to X17. Cristiano left at around 5 AM.

You’re not going to be worth $131 mil when you have GargantuAIDS, Señor Ronaldo. You might want to steer clear of that vag. There are brain-eating worm larvae in there. And they see the light of day often enough that they are not blind like most cave critters. They enter through the ears and nom nom nom until there is nothing left. The space in your skull will be as cavernous as Paris’ twat.