John Mayer is Smooth

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Country-pop-singer-whatever, Jessie James, went on the Boomer & Craig show to tell about the time John Mayer sent her the least sexiest text in the history of booty call texts. Page Six reports:

“He had someone send for me [from] across the room,” James related. “He had a bunch of girls with him and he said, ‘We should [all] go back to my apartment.’ ” She said Mayer left first to avoid the paparazzi, and when they got to Mayer’s apartment, “We were all hanging out and everyone started to gradually leave. It was just he and I at this point. I told him, ‘I need some taxi money, I’m gonna go home now.’ ” Mayer asked James for her number and she gave it to him before leaving. She recalled, “He texted me throughout the entire night while I was at the hotel room,” leaving messages like, “Let me tuck you in. I want to see you.” While the show’s hosts labeled Mayer “a douche,” a friend of his shrugged it off, “He met her two years ago, it was not a big deal.”

“Let me tuck you in”? Man, I’m surprised she didn’t tell him to come over right then, because I’m sure thinking about nightlights and bedtime stories got those panties wet. I don’t even know what the hell “let me tuck you in” means. John Mayer once dumped the hot ass Minka Kelly for Jennifer Aniston, so maybe he really did just want to tuck her in. If I ever texted this to some chick I was trying to bang, the phone company has my permission to send demons through my phone to kill me. Because it would be pretty clear to everyone that I would deserve it.

Jessie James. She added an “i” so you wouldn’t confuse her with the American outlaw that died 127 years ago. I’m glad she cleared that up!: