Lindsay Lohan Is WANTED

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…Dead or Aliiiiiiiive.

Sorry. I had to. It’s like, a thing. I’m guessing they’ll bring her in alive.

Nothing like waking up to a statement from the Beverly Hills Police Department, made last night when I was so obviously drinking and not thinking about Lindsay Lohan:

“In response to media inquiries, [the] Beverly Hills Police Department is confirming a warrant was in fact issued today [March 13] for the arrest of Lindsay Lohan . The $50,000 warrant issued by the Beverly Hills Superior Court stems from a May 2007 arrest of Miss Lohan for DUI and hit-and-run. The circumstances leading to the issuance of the warrant by the court are not readily available at this time. It is our hope that Miss Lohan will surrender herself so that this matter will be resolved in a timely manner.”

Looks like it’s “here we go again” for those of us with sharp, painful memories of high-speed chases through LA, noisy coke parties and the two kinds of justice in America: normal justice and Celeb Justice. As an example, this warrent was issued, then Lindsay…went shopping:

Just hours after the Beverly Hills Police Department confirmed an arrest warrant had been issued for Lindsay Lohan , the actress was spotted going grocery shopping and partying at L.A.’s Chateau Marmont.

Look at her in that photo. Bitch knows she’s wanted by the po. But she needs her flax seed!

I don’t know what flax seed is, but it’s always sounded evil to me. Like the thing you buy when you’re skipping out on a warrant. Plus, I want to blame things on flax seed. Just the flax!