Madonna Had a Sex Contract

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The Sun is reporting that Madonna made Guy Ritchie sign a “marriage contract” that she used to control his every move. What? Madonna? No way!

The document detailed how many dates the couple should go on and how often they should have sex. It stated that Guy had to “work to enrich his wife’s emotional and spiritual well being” and ordered him to devote several hours a week to reading Kabbalah texts with Madge. It even had instructions on what words Guy should use during rows “to resolve conflicts in a constructive way”. Guy, 40, was instructed never to shout at Madge, 50, but instead look her in the eye and say: “I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this.” The marriage rules said both parties must “devote time to our sexual expressiveness” and “not use sex as a stick to beat one another”. Sources said Madonna pinned the contract up in their New York home after they saw marriage counsellors two years ago, and would say to her husband, “Contract, Guy, contract” if he broke the rules.

Jesus, can you imagine the unadulterated hell it must have been living with this bitch? I can see why it didn’t work out. Guy Ritchie was expected to look her in the eye. I think the only you can try to do that is if you’re on a quest for the Golden Fleece.