Madonna is Diabolical

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Since news of their divorce was officially confirmed, reports having been coming from everywhere about how horrible Guy Ritchie has treated Madonna, although they were seemingly happy during their 8 year marriage. Since last week, Guy Ritchie has been accused of emotional abuse, neglect, unwillingness to accept David Banda (Madonna’s African orphan), and being a gold digger (even though he has $60 million of his own money. So, to see how he could stem the tide of Madonna’s raging PR beast, Guy had a secret dinner meeting with his father and sister. Guess who sent spies and had him followed? Surprise! The Sun reports:

“Guy, 40, was furious that details of a private divorce “war summit” were leaked to his wife…He believes the pop queen is using her huge staff to report his every move. Guy has slammed what he calls Madonna’s underhand tactics. He has even compared her approach to their split as being like “something concocted by the KGB”, raging at her: “This is a divorce, not the Cold War.” A close family friend said yesterday: “Any hopes Guy had of their divorce being private and dignified are out the window. “The allegations he was a cruel and neglectful husband have torn him apart so much that he invited his father and sister to the house on the weekend for dinner. “They discussed the divorce and how Guy could stand his ground against Madonna and her PR machine.” But the friend said Guy was stunned to discover Madonna, 50, knew about the dinner and had been keeping tabs on him for days. The source said: “When Guy found out he lost the plot. He said, ‘How can you set fire to our whole world? Why go to such lengths to destroy me?’ “But Guy knows it would be unusual if Madonna wasn’t monitoring his every move. “She’s a control freak and there’s so much at stake.”

Considering Madonna blasted Guy Ritchie to an arena full of people the day their separation was announced, I’ll go ahead and say every word of this story is absolutely true. Everything is about Madonna. Nobody else matters. That’s why I hope she’s excited about my new guillotine. The mold of her neck really helped out. Thanks Madonna!

Madonna at the Kablahblah Center in NYC on Oct. 18:

Photos: Splash