Phelps Beats Other Countries, Bangs Their Women

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Eamon Sullivan is an Australian Olympic swimmer who blew his shot at gold medals in Bejing by losing in races in which he was favored (he finished 6th in one of those). He was dating fellow Australian swimmer, Stephanie Rice. Then America’s Michael Phelps won 8 gold medals. Eamon Sullivan is no longer dating Stephanie Rice. New York Post reports:

Phelps, fresh from shattering Mark Spitz’s 36-year-old record, was spotted Monday night in a hot make-out session with Down Under swimmer Stephanie Rice, a source tells The Post’s Clemente Lisi and Luke Dennehy. The pumped-up pair clinched and swapped spit at a celebratory bash outside the Olympic Village. The Baltimore Bullet swooped in for the lip-lock with the 20-year-old brunette just weeks after she split from Aussie swimmer Eamon Sullivan. “All the swimmers are talking about it, and [Sullivan] is cut up about what happened,” the source said. The day after the face-sucking frolics, Phelps and Rice cheekily posed together for Speedo – laughing and playfully groping each other as a photographer snapped them in their swimsuits. “I definitely admire him for his athletic ability and everything he’s achieved,” gushed Rice, who won three gold medals of her own. “I’m just really glad to be in the mix with that.”

I tried to think of a scenario where Michael Phelps could possibly kick more ass, but involved him carrying a trident, wearing an American flag as a cape, and flying into outer space on a giant eagle to thwart aliens from colonizing Earth. Some people thought that might a little unrealistic. But don’t kid yourselves. They’re coming. Oh yes, they’re coming. Wake up America!

The following video is dedicated to this picture of Stephanie Rice and Rihanna: