Scientology Isn’t Helping Hancock

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Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, Will Smith emphatically denies that he is a member of the Church of Scientology. That makes sense, because most actors join pledge allegiance to Scientology to help their careers, but Will Smith already owned July 4th. So with his box office clout and now Scientology behind him, Hancock should a record-smashing hit, right? Uh, not really. FOX News reports:

Alas, all good hype must come to an end. “Hancock,” with which Sony is hoping to have a merry July 4, 2008, may not duplicate Smith’s previous successes. It is one of the worst family holiday weekend releases of recent memory – and jaw-droppingly so….And that’s hard to do since it clocks in at a mere wisp of one hour and 20 minutes. In such brevity there should be a reward. After all, “Hancock,” directed by Peter Berg, is shorter than most Woody Allen comedies. There’s nothing funny here, however, or witty or clever or even developed beyond an idea that should never have been executed in this way…unlike other crass films of this month, such as “Zohan” and “Love Guru,” the coarseness of “Hancock” is a wildly under-calculated mistake….An hour and 20 minutes later, here are things you will not know: who Hancock is, where he and Theron came from (It’s telegraphed with the subtlety of a mallet that she has a past with him) and who the persons fighting them are (I have no idea)….It is said the legion of writers and directors who came and went before “Hancock” was initiated had a “black” comedy in mind – something that sent up the idea of super heroes. But a mess has been made in the process and $150 million wasted…Columbia says “Hancock” is tracking well, and I’ll bet it’s right. The first couple of days – next Wednesday and Thursday – should be big. The fear, I’m sure, though, is that by Friday, July 4, the word will be out.”

Almost every major online review of Hancock basically says the same thing, so I guess it makes it funnier when you realize it will be sandwiched between what will be the two biggest movies of the summer – Wall*E (June 27) and The Dark Knight (July 18). By July 19th, the only way you’ll be able to see Hancock is on the side of a wall in Mexico from a camera powered by a donkey.

Note: If you’re an asshole like me and you like to dazzle people with plot details in the movie before they happen, you can read Hancock’s here. You’ll be the envy of all your friends!

Will Smith and Charlize Theron in Berlin at the German premiere of Hancock: