George Clooney is Single Again

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In the most shocking news since I pushed the on button and found my rabbit dildo dead again, George Clooney dumped his latest whore. How much was the slut settlement, I wonder? ITW reports:

George Clooney has broken up with Sarah Larson after nearly a year of dating. According to a friend of Sarah’s, the Leatherheads star recently moved out of his LA home while the 29-year-old former Las Vegas cocktail waitress removed her belongings. “George is relieved to be single again,” says an insider. “He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her.” As In Touch previously reported, George, 47, and Sarah struggled to make their relationship work because of their different backgrounds. “The truth is they had little in common and he just doesn’t want to be tied down,” explains the insider. George’s rep told In Touch: “I can only confirm that we have never commented on George’s personal life.”

Yeah, yeah, blah blah. She was outed as the gold digging skank she is, so Georgie scooted her ass to the curb on some Moving Men. And stop saying she’s from Las Vegas because she’s not. Vegas natives, like me, don’t want to be associated with whore imports like Sarah who move here looking for a quick buck. If she was from Vegas we’d accept her as a classy whore, but she’s not. She came here to get paid under the table (or on the nightstand), and contribute nothing to the local economy. If that transient, carpetbagging nobody had a prettier face, then I’d say take that droopy eyed one trick pony George Clooney for all he has, but this seems more like Clooney charity work. Bitch looks like she chews tree bark and eats other animals’ fur mites.

Note: I loved O Brother, Where Art Thou?, so that’s a Clooney get outta jail free card. Everything else is cheesy and played, other than The Facts of Life, natch.