Ellen Degeneres is Still Crying About That Dog

Ellen, it was as simple as notifying the adoption agency of the dog’s move and registering the dog’s microchip to yours or your hairdresser’s home (which can easily be done online, btw). Furthermore, Mutts and Moms should have evaluated the dog’s living conditions before they decided to behave like idiots and (with police and taxpayers’ money intervention) bounce the poor guy through the system, yet again.

All of this could have easily been avoided if all parties involved cared more about the dog.

But, hey, at least Ellen’s friends got their … how many was it? … minutes? … hours of fame? … fuck, I have no idea since Pastor Scott’s last wife’s perpetually broadcast infomercial came on while I was writing this, and she is riveting. Did you know Melissa Scott (a.k.a. Barbie Bridges) used to do porn? Do you hate her faux random accent as much as I do? And she’s a shitty singer, but at least she sings better than Shitney. Where was I again?