Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo are Safe

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OK! magazine didn’t just buy the uncensored pictures and video of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo having sex in a hot tub during their vacation in Mexico, the “celebrity-friendly” magazine paid $400,000 so the public would never get to see them.

There’s much worse stuff than what got out there on the Internet,” says a snitch. “If Nick’s fans saw it all, it would definitely change his career, because he kind of has a squeaky-clean image.”…But don’t expect to see any steamy pics in the mag’s pages. In accordance with their celebrity-friendly policy and recent Lachey-Minnillo cover story, OK! shelled out the money to take the material off the market, says a source.”

Well, whatever. The pictures will get leaked eventually and hopefully these two won’t be so boring by then. Nick Lachey might be an unfrozen caveman and Vanessa Minnillo looks like somebody my dad vaccinated for polio in Vietnam, so with any luck, we’ll get to see these two have sex! Boy, I can hardly wait!

Vanessa Minnillo out bowling a few days ago: