Brittany Murphy is a Great Girlfriend

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Brittany Murphy married some random dude named Simon Monjack earlier this month, and reports are now saying that the rushed nuptials were an effort to keep Monjack, an illegal, in the country. Page Six reports:

The National Enquirer reports Monjack was arrested on expired visa charges in the middle of the night on March 27 – just over a month before the couple’s rushed marriage. The tabloid also hits the actress’ tubby hubby with allegations of bad debts and sleazy business schemes, which sources told Page Six the “Clueless” cutie knew nothing about. Monjack’s lawyer told us the charges are being made by “disgruntled ex-girlfriends” and that immigration lawyers concluded the marriage had no bearing on his visa status.”

Brittany Murphy is crazy and gets engaged like once a month, so if I was an illegal, I’d feel pretty good about my chances. She also never knew her father and used to be kinda fat. So all you have to do is tell her she looks good in her dress, and a little while later she’ll say there must be something about you because she “normally doesn’t do anal on the first date.”